I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
