she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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