dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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