He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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