it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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