I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
