i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
