A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
