She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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