the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
