Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
