So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
