I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
