She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
