I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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