youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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