did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The air taste purple.
Randomize
