we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
