I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
