Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
