After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
