it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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