after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
