nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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