He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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