Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
