I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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