We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
