I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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