I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize