Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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