I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry about my life...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
