I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
