Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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