I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
love makes seman taste better
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
