Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
