Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
