I think i peed on brittanys purse
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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