Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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