Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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