Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
