I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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