I CAN MOONWALK!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
