just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
