So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
