After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
