while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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