checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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