Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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