Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
