There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
