just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i came on her dog
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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