I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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