you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
