I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
