sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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