Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
