I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
