Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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