Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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