I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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