Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
