I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
