Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
