doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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