Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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