I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
