why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
