I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
