would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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