is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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