So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
