i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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