you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
