We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
