I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They took my balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
