Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
