it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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