i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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