I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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