i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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