Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
