There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
