this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
