Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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