sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
