elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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