If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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