Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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