Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were trust falling into bushes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
